Why, you ask?

This:

This is all that was left of my gear:

Now that's a smokin' left.

I and also my pals were actually going through the best things found on the website then at once got an awful suspicion I had not thanked you for those secrets. My young men ended up for this reason very interested to read all of them and have in effect in truth been loving those things. I appreciate you for actually being really kind and then for selecting variety of great ideas millions of individuals are really needing to discover. Our sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.

I’m torn.  On one hand, this is a very polite and regretful spambot, and once it realized it had not already done so, sincerely thanked me for the post about the Russian psychopath who dressed up dozens of human corpses as his doll collection, stacked like grisly firewood around his tiny Moscow apartment.

On the other hand, he also tells me that this post made his “young men” “very interested” and that they had already “been loving these things.”  Woah.  Further, it thinks that there are millions of individuals who also need to “discover” the joys of loving decoratively attired dead people.  Or is it that millions need to discover the joys of being decorative corpses?

So should I approve this comment?  I  mean, just look at the flattery!  I am really kind, and I do deserve spambot appreciation.  And of course, this spambot claims that it has a cult of young men who are loving human corpses.  What to do?

Okay, I’m going to approve it.

From the San Gabriel Valley Tribune:

Medical marijuana delivery man reports he was robbed by ninjas in West Covina

Posted: 03/25/2012 11:39:58 AM PDT

WEST COVINA – Police are looking into a bizarre report of a medical marijuana robbery involving two attackers dressed as ninjas, officials said.

Police received the strange report shortly before 10 p.m. Friday from a medical marijuana delivery man who said he had been robbed in the 800 block of South Sunset Avenue, near Cameron Avenue, after making a delivery to a patient West Covina police Lt. Alan Henley said.

The delivery man, who was in his 40s, told police that, “As he was going back to his vehicle, he was approached by two subjects in ninja costumes who chased him with batons,” the lieutenant said.

“The victim said he was scared and he dropped a bag with some marijuana and money. The suspects took it,” Henley added.

It was not clear how much cash or pot was taken, police added.

Okay, ninjas mugging the weed delivery guy. It happens.

The incident remained under investigation. Police were not aware of any other recent crimes involving suspects dressed as ninjas.

Well, you wouldn’t be, would you?

US ALL human being protection under the law plan: If you’re weak, like the Taliban, we all occupy. When you unique all of us, including China and taiwan, we all put which you dinner.

Well put, Laveta. You’re my kind of spambot; senseless and vaguely philisophical.

—–

*It’s like a derelict alien ghost ship in a space opera sci-fi book, just floating out there in space, endlessly emitting a distress signal in a dead language.  What killed the crew? We can’t be sure, but if there’s an egg-like anything on that ship, nuke it and run.

10 Things You Only Hear On Mardi Gras

1. Does this wig make me look less Chinese?
2. Q: Did someone with a giant alligator head just walk in here?
   A: I’m not sure.
3. I like it how the whole family is doing it. Even the kid is cross-dressing.
4. Are you going to use all those boas?
5. I just feel like we should bring some rope, or something.
6. This sandwich goes really well with vodka.
7. Why are you drinking red bull? Are you trying to stay up all day?
8. I’m still hungry. That bloody mary was pretty thin.
9. I think those thrones are for his dogs.
10. The wine comes out of the udders.
11. I’m really glad we brought that rope.

I … I don’t even know how to explain this. Darth Vader vs. Hitler? Napoleon Bonaparte vs. Napoleon Dynamite?

Uh, and this.

“Near-sighted humans develop the brain-reading tech future Robot Overlords will use to find and eradicate last remnants of our species”

“Leading sex researchers predict knowing what people think during sex likely to end sex altogether, eradicating species.”

“New tech dooms ‘High five up high, down low, too slow’ trick to extinction, world’s Uncles out of ideas.”

Or, as the stiff-upper-lipped BBC editor went with, “Science decodes ‘internal voices’.” Whatever, Beeb.

Science decodes ‘internal voices’

By Jason Palmer, Science and technology reporter, BBC News

Researchers have demonstrated a striking method to reconstruct words, based on the brain waves of patients thinking of those words.

The technique reported in PLoS Biology relies on gathering electrical signals directly from patients’ brains.

Based on signals from listening patients, a computer model was used to reconstruct the sounds of words that patients were thinking of.

Read more at the BBC »

Get well soon! . . . or kill yourself, depending.