cklablog

More proof that Harvard is almost, but not quite, the greatest school in the history of school. Did Plato ever tell Alexander bend over, because he was going to impregnate him with a species that’d been extinct for 40,000 years?

Okay, come to think of it, he might have. But he wouldn’t have been able to actually DO it.

Check this out:

Professor George Church of Harvard Medical School believes he can reconstruct Neanderthal DNA and resurrect the species which became extinct 33,000 years ago.

His scheme is reminiscent of Jurassic Park but, while in the film dinosaurs were created in a laboratory, Professor Church’s ambitious plan requires a human volunteer.

He said his analysis of Neanderthal genetic code using samples from bones is complete enough to reconstruct their DNA.

He said: ‘Now I need an adventurous female human.

Don’t we all, Church, don’t we all.

So. Ladies? In? Who’s in?

So, did our paleolithic ancestors out-think, out-fight, or even (some have suggested) hunt and eat our Neanderthal competitors?

Of course not. We out-fucked them. We also fucked them, but mostly we fucked us, and before you know it . . . 10 humans for every ‘thal. Isn’t that a Beach Boys song?

From the LA Times:

Researchers had long surmised that human population growth may have overrun the Neanderthals, said study lead author Paul Mellars, an archaeologist at the University of Cambridge in England . . . humans would have outnumbered native Neanderthals at least 9 to 1, though they suspect the ratio was even greater.

Maaaaan, I told you so.

From io9.com:

Early modern humans left Africa about 80,000 to 50,000 years ago, meaning they overlapped with Neanderthals in time and place for at least 20,000 years. On an evolutionary time scale, that’s not a ton of time, but could it be enough to leave lasting evidence of human/Neanderthal interbreeding?

According to Dr. Labuda, the answer is an emphatic “yes.” Back in the early ’00s, he and his team had identified a particular piece of DNA in the human X chromosome that seemed out of place with everything else, and they wondered whether it might have originated from a non-human source.

That answer came with the first sequencing of the Neanderthal genome last year. Dr. Labuda compared 6,000 chromosomes from all over the world to the corresponding part of the Neanderthal sequence. With the exception of people from sub-Saharan Africa – whose ancestors would have been unlikely to come into contact with Neanderthals, since their territories didn’t overlap – every chromosome featured evidence of the Neanderthal sequence.

Little fucker. This is what happens when short-sighted childcare “experts” discourage corporal punishment. Just saying. Two to three days without food and he’ll read anything you smear bacon grease on. Just ask me and my brother.

In stark contrast to the little bastard above, I loved my books:

Ninja Attack!
Do you have any books that have died from mysterious accidents, or simply disappeared? You might already have this book.

Decoded!
A sprawling memoir by the man who transcended his music and built a corporate empire. Should be interesting in a ‘if Machiavelli could rap’ kind of way. I really admire Jay-Z for his ability to seduce massive brands into lucrative partnerships. [hipster] Of course, I haven’t listened to him since the jiggityjiggity Jaz days. [/hipster]

The Saxon Chronicles!
Epic historical fiction, following the struggles between the Saxon English and Danish invaders during the 800s. Tessa told me the Cornwell books were “bodice-rippers for men,” and she was right. Violence, war, swordfighting, war, gore, intrigue, more fighting, politics and history. And fighting. What’s not to like?

When Conan was a little kid, he wanted to grow up to be Uhtred.

The Venture Brothers, Season 1*!

Also, my baby came with an owner’s manual. Nice.

. . . the New York Times savaged it!

. . . that Neanderthals could kick our asses.

Looks like we might find out sooner than we thought, and I’m guessing once we re-build a handful of them, they won’t be metrosexual pussies. :) Looks like they’ll be able to talk, though.

But they apparently won’t think our endless yammering is all that sexy. Or at least, their ancestors didn’t think so:

“An early inference that can be drawn from the new findings, which were announced Thursday in Leipzig,Germany, is that there is no significant trace of Neanderthal genes in modern humans. This confounds the speculation that modern humans could have interbred with Neanderthals, thus benefiting from the genes that adapted the Neanderthals to the cold climate that prevailed in Europe in last ice age, which ended 10,000 years ago. Researchers have not ascertained if human genes entered the Neanderthal population.”

I bet there are human genes in the Neanderthal population. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in this sad, tragic ride we call life, some humans will fuck anything.

Okay, here’s a question for you all.

SETUP: One morning, you leave your house to find a slave trader from far away Stygia in your front yard. He has with him a gigantic black-haired Cimmerian slave named Conan who he offers for sale, assuring you that this slave was trained in the war-crafts of ancient Aquilonia.

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