cklablog

Spambot “Victor Aytes” has this to share:

Today Headline: America’s Supreme Leader Cuong V Truong created a character name Actor Tom Truong for his upcoming real life scary movie Jesus Christ reborn: The Second Coming of Christ. It’s a real life movie about the son of God using Knights created by fate to help 7+ Billion slaves fight the devil worshipers cult illuminati aka (the Bilderberg Group).

Wait, this Cuong V Truong aka Tom Truong? If nothing else, take a moment to enjoy the Many Faces of Tom Truong in the right-hand column. Breathtaking range. The Gift, he has it.

From your friend at XKCD:

This made the rounds a while back, but I thought I’d share anyway.  From Nerve.com: How to defeat a homophobe on Facebook

Owned.

I don’t think Em has tried to beat me to death even once for watching soccer. What a gem!

Via Soccernet:

JOHANNESBURG — Police say a South African man who wanted to watch a World Cup match instead of a religious program was beaten to death by his family in the northeastern part of the country.

David Makoeya, a 61-year-old man from the small village of Makweya, Limpopo province, fought with his wife and two children for the remote control on Sunday because he wanted to watch Germany play Australia in the World Cup. The others, however, wanted to watch a gospel show.

“He said, ‘No, I want to watch soccer,’” police spokesman Mothemane Malefo said Thursday. “That is when the argument came about.

“In that argument, they started assaulting him.”

Malefo said Makoeya got up to change the channel by hand after being refused the remote control and was attacked by his 68-year-old wife Francina and two children, 36-year-old son Collin and 23-year-old daughter Lebogang.

Malefo said he was not sure what the family used to kill Makoeya.

“It appears they banged his head against the wall,” Malefo said. “They phoned the police only after he was badly injured, but by the time the police arrived the man was already dead.”

I’m sure if she’d known there were going to be four goals in that game, she’d have relented. After all, what would Jesus do if someone was keeping Him from watching His favorite gospel show? Ok, He’d probably beat their head against the wall until they died too, but still.

Giant Jesus statue struck by lightning, burned to cinders.

I bet this in the Bible somewhere.

Notice: If you believe your flavor of God(s) ha(s/ve) the power to make this dream a reality, please let me know and I will personally make a donation of money, blood or animal entrails, as appropriate.  All wild-eyed, froth-mouthed true believers encouraged to apply — no superstition too implausible, no horribly flawed rationalization too transparent.

Thank you, and thank your [all-powerful/reasonably-powerful/capricious and emotive] God(s) in advance for making the World Cup what it should be — not completely fucking annoying.

Point the first: Wahahahahahahah.

Point the second: The current Christian obsession with getting teenagers not to have sex is the very definition of “Sisyphean.”

Point the third: Abstinance-only education (and the ‘purity’ trope not only fails in every regard, it nets out in more unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

Via openeducation.net:
Therefore, those youngsters who took the virginity pledge were not only just as likely to have intercourse, they ultimately were more likely to take part in sex in an unsafe manner.

^ That would be the boulder rolling back down the hill part.

And to be honest with you, I would probably rather be 14 and pregnant with siphylis than have to sit through this more than once:

What ever happened to getting caught with transvetite prostitutes? Is that completely passe now?

Note to self: if I plan to make my primary life’s scam that of a right-wing “family values” politician, don’t be a lying stupid hypocrite. Depite the laughably predictable insincerity from a moralist, this California Congressman’s litany of sexual conquest makes better listening than the second hand accounts of gay bathroom sex we’ve grown used to here in ‘Merica.

This one initially scores 8.5 for prurient detail alone, but gets bumped up to 9.0 for the fact he was cheating on one mistress with the other, his wife apparently out of the picture altogether, and both mistresses were also lobbyists.

An Argentine soul-mate? CHILD’S PLAY.

My new #1 Internet Fact™: You don’t cheat on Therese Ziemann if you’re already cheating on your wife with Therese Ziemann.

Because Therese Ziemann will glue your penis to your stomach while your other ladies punch you in the face and laugh.

9.5 for cold-hearted comedy, and the totally unrepentant photo of Therese Ziemann, Ace Penis-Gluer is top-shelf.

. . . wake up with fleas?   My grandmother never warned me not to try and share power with anyone who thinks they are the sole arbiter of Truth . . . but she should have.

“According to Chafee, the recent series of right-wing primary campaigns against centrist Republicans is a major source of weakness for the party, especially given that these campaigns often target lawmakers in blue states where only moderate candidates have a chance in the general election. But even if the more moderate incumbents survive the challenge, they’ll only be weaker against the Democratic candidate later on.”

via the Daily Beast

Current Affairs Lesson #1: Don’t make a land-for-peace deal with the Taliban, and

Current Affairs Lesson #2: Don’t mortgage your party to the Religious Right (the Missouriban).

. . . unfortunately, it’s a shark. The Bible predicted Jesus would come back as the Lion of Judah, but apparently, He’s pulled a switcheroo and returned as the Shark of Virginia.

Tricksy Jesus.