cklablog

“Do not think to escape me, sir. I’m afraid I cannot permit it.”

“Baaaaa.”

“I have heard such a thing, yes. But you neglect a key detail.”

“Baaaa?”

“The present is clear; the future is known only to God.”

“Baaaaaaaaaa.”

“Then I shall send you to Him. On guard, sir.”

Almost three years ago, towards the beginning of my attempt to learn to cook, I had my first and only inedible culinary failure. I tried to make Spoon Lamb (Gigot De Sept Heures), a provinical French dish that was to render a leg of lamb so tender that you could eat it with a spoon.

Roasted for hours in root vegetables, wine and herbs, this lamb would be served in its own sauce over white beans.  What could be better?

Alas, I didn’t read carefully enough to realize that you absolutely had to cover the lamb in foil before you roasted it for six hours. Needless to say, I ended up with Shoe Lamb (Chaussure De Sept Heures).

This week I’ve been reading the Three Musketeers (in order to work up my courage, drunken insouciance and general sense of romantic adventure), and tomorrow, I will revisit my Own Private Waterloo, and this time I will conquer Spoon Lamb.  

I have you in my eye, sir.

(more…)

What ever happened to getting caught with transvetite prostitutes? Is that completely passe now?

Note to self: if I plan to make my primary life’s scam that of a right-wing “family values” politician, don’t be a lying stupid hypocrite. Depite the laughably predictable insincerity from a moralist, this California Congressman’s litany of sexual conquest makes better listening than the second hand accounts of gay bathroom sex we’ve grown used to here in ‘Merica.

This one initially scores 8.5 for prurient detail alone, but gets bumped up to 9.0 for the fact he was cheating on one mistress with the other, his wife apparently out of the picture altogether, and both mistresses were also lobbyists.

An Argentine soul-mate? CHILD’S PLAY.

My new #1 Internet Fact™: You don’t cheat on Therese Ziemann if you’re already cheating on your wife with Therese Ziemann.

Because Therese Ziemann will glue your penis to your stomach while your other ladies punch you in the face and laugh.

9.5 for cold-hearted comedy, and the totally unrepentant photo of Therese Ziemann, Ace Penis-Gluer is top-shelf.