cklablog

Little fucker. This is what happens when short-sighted childcare “experts” discourage corporal punishment. Just saying. Two to three days without food and he’ll read anything you smear bacon grease on. Just ask me and my brother.

In stark contrast to the little bastard above, I loved my books:

Ninja Attack!
Do you have any books that have died from mysterious accidents, or simply disappeared? You might already have this book.

Decoded!
A sprawling memoir by the man who transcended his music and built a corporate empire. Should be interesting in a ‘if Machiavelli could rap’ kind of way. I really admire Jay-Z for his ability to seduce massive brands into lucrative partnerships. [hipster] Of course, I haven’t listened to him since the jiggityjiggity Jaz days. [/hipster]

The Saxon Chronicles!
Epic historical fiction, following the struggles between the Saxon English and Danish invaders during the 800s. Tessa told me the Cornwell books were “bodice-rippers for men,” and she was right. Violence, war, swordfighting, war, gore, intrigue, more fighting, politics and history. And fighting. What’s not to like?

When Conan was a little kid, he wanted to grow up to be Uhtred.

The Venture Brothers, Season 1*!

Also, my baby came with an owner’s manual. Nice.

. . . nevermind all my movies.

. . . inshallah, it almost happened to me! Luckily, my arranged bride turned out to be super hot.

Arab ambassador discovers bride is bearded and cross-eyed behind veil

An Arab ambassador has called off his wedding after discovering his wife-to-be who wears a face-covering veil is bearded and cross-eyed.

The envoy had only met the woman a few times, during which she had hidden her face behind a niqab, the Gulf News reported.

After the marriage contract was signed, the ambassador attempted to kiss his bride-to-be. It was only then that he discovered her facial hair and eyes.

Off to the Telegraph to find out how the Sharia Court ruled.  Public lashings for both of  them?  Or just her?  »

Point the first: Wahahahahahahah.

Point the second: The current Christian obsession with getting teenagers not to have sex is the very definition of “Sisyphean.”

Point the third: Abstinance-only education (and the ‘purity’ trope not only fails in every regard, it nets out in more unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

Via openeducation.net:
Therefore, those youngsters who took the virginity pledge were not only just as likely to have intercourse, they ultimately were more likely to take part in sex in an unsafe manner.

^ That would be the boulder rolling back down the hill part.

And to be honest with you, I would probably rather be 14 and pregnant with siphylis than have to sit through this more than once:

“He’s really going for it!”

What ever happened to getting caught with transvetite prostitutes? Is that completely passe now?

Note to self: if I plan to make my primary life’s scam that of a right-wing “family values” politician, don’t be a lying stupid hypocrite. Depite the laughably predictable insincerity from a moralist, this California Congressman’s litany of sexual conquest makes better listening than the second hand accounts of gay bathroom sex we’ve grown used to here in ‘Merica.

This one initially scores 8.5 for prurient detail alone, but gets bumped up to 9.0 for the fact he was cheating on one mistress with the other, his wife apparently out of the picture altogether, and both mistresses were also lobbyists.

An Argentine soul-mate? CHILD’S PLAY.

My new #1 Internet Fact™: You don’t cheat on Therese Ziemann if you’re already cheating on your wife with Therese Ziemann.

Because Therese Ziemann will glue your penis to your stomach while your other ladies punch you in the face and laugh.

9.5 for cold-hearted comedy, and the totally unrepentant photo of Therese Ziemann, Ace Penis-Gluer is top-shelf.

Human neural misfire + video camera + ‘concept’ = a little something for your WTF collection.

I found this guy by clicking through some really bizarre comments left on youtube videos — the more you watch, the more surreal they become. I’m ok with the idea of a lone tinfoil hat guy making videos and posting them to his “network,” but the fact somebody else was running the camera sends my fill-in-the-blanks-brain racing.

To summarize, whiskey tango foxtrot, over.