Conan for a day
Okay, here’s a question for you all.
SETUP: One morning, you leave your house to find a slave trader from far away Stygia in your front yard. He has with him a gigantic black-haired Cimmerian slave named Conan who he offers for sale, assuring you that this slave was trained in the war-crafts of ancient Aquilonia.
Realizing you are looking at none other than Conan the Barbarian himself, you make an offer of $32.50 and a bus pass. To your surprise, the slaver agrees, but on the following condition: the barbarian is yours for only one day. At the end of that time he must be set free to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet.
During that day, you can have Conan do anything. He is yours to command.
QUESTION: What do you instruct Conan to do?
“Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet.”
– Robert E. Howard, The Phoenix on the Sword, 1932.
March 12th, 2006 at 11:31 am
Laundry.
March 13th, 2006 at 6:46 pm
Motivational instruction … provided that he spoke English, of course. My Cimmerian is a bit rusty.
March 15th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
I think we’d start with breakfast at someplace like Milton’s, (I’m assuming he is in his full on sullen barbarian regalia) just to piss off the patrons. Of course they wouldn’t say anything because they might get their asses kicked. Anyway then mill about downtown for a bit maybe taking in some sandal shopping. Skip lunch so we don’t get sick while he teaches me some killer fighting moves and sword play. I could teach him the fundamentals of driving; it might come in handy for his next endeavor. Then he could help me clean my house and walk the damn dog. Then dinner at say… Teller’s and I’d say “Well, have fun and don’t forget who taught you how to drive and went sandal shopping with you, when you’re done treading the jeweled thrones of the Earth under those new shoesâ€